The Dumbest Relationship Question
Geplaatst op 15-02-2023
© Copyright Loveawake 2023
At some point in a developing relationship, questions are asked to get an understanding of a person’s relationship history. These are vital questions to ask because past performance is the best indicator of future action.
Quiz time! What do answers to the following questions indicate to the person asking them? (Don’t think too hard)
1) “What’s your longest relationship?”
2) “How many relationships have you had?”
3) “How many sexual partners have you had?”
4) “Have you ever cheated?”
All finished? Here are the answers.
1) Commitment potential.
2) Commitment potential.
3) Commitment potential.
4) Not a damn thing.
Yep, that’s right: the answer to “have you ever cheated” means nothing. Let’s think about it for a second. What are the possible answers? It’s a yes/no question, so there are only two possible responses…unless you add in lying. Adding in that factor, your options are:
Yes, and be honest.
Yes, and be lying.
No, and be honest.
No, and be lying.
Now, think about the implications of each. What does each answer indicate?
An Honest Yes.
You’ve cheated, but you aren’t going to do it again. Only chumps give this answer, and that’s what this question is: chump bait. Again, past performance is the best indicator of future action. If you say yes, you’re admitting you’ve lied in the past. Consciously or subconsciously, your partner will evaluate (and re-evaluate) everything you say (or have said) in light of this, regardless of the mitigating circumstances/major life changes you’ve made since. Congratulation, you just made your job a billion times harder. You will NOT get honesty bonus points for saying that you were a liar but aren’t now. If you’ve honestly changed, then know you won’t cheat again and keep your mouth shut.
Note: I’m assuming that guys who have cheated, are going to cheat in the future, and are willing to be honest about their cheating are probably not the type of guys getting into relationships where this kind of question matters.
A Dishonest Yes.
You’ve never cheated, but you’re telling the person you have. Unless you’re playing some weird mental game or the other person is seriously messed up, there’s never a reason for this.
An Honest No.
You’ve never cheated and you’re honest about it. You’re in the clear. No lying, no minus points on your future performance record. Of course, some girls might be asking this question as an alpha test, but in general a “no” answer won’t hurt you.
A Dishonest No.
You’ve cheated and you’re lying about it. This answer is what makes “have you ever cheated” the dumbest relationship question of all. Remember: the purpose of this question is to predict future performance. If a person cheated in the past and is willing to so again, he/she already has a demonstrated capacity for deception and will therefore lie to you. Even if they don’t plan on doing so in the future, the cost of admitting to it today is massive and likely not worth the small bit of guilt that comes with dishonesty (“I’m not cheating again, so it doesn’t matter!”).
With that in mind, it should prove difficult, if not impossible, to separate the honest no’s from the the dishonest no’s. Given the above analysis, the only thing you’re likely to discover is if the person is dumb honest enough to tell you honestly that he/she cheated. From a game theory perspective, this probably means they’re being honest about not cheating anymore…unless they think you’re analyzing it from a game theory perspective, in which case it’s mind games within mind games. The rabbit hole goes deep.
Of course, everything I’ve said assumes you have to answer the question. There is a fifth option, which is to simply dodge it. That way you avoid failing a possible alpha test and don’t have to lie. However, if the other person is really into you and/or evaluating you for serious commitment potential, that person might push the issue and demand an answer, which will return you to the above options.